Misadventures Incorporated
bySpicy Space Squid
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Chapter 253 - The Napping Hill and the Waxing Moon V
Unlike the eastern gate, which was buried deep beneath the crashing waves, Vel’khagan’s westernmost entrance was up on dry land, roughly fifty meters above sea level. It was not the only gate on its sunset flank. There were five in all, serving not only as doors in and out of the city, but also the ends of the various roads attached thereto. It was only on land that such obvious paths could be seen. There were certainly popular currents to ride beneath the waves as well, but the empty space between them saw just as much fin traffic.
The dense forest did not extend all the way to the walls. There was a large swath of cleared land in between, with many houses and homesteads filling the space. There were parks and fields as well, wide open spaces not unlike the one that had hosted the snow art contest some four weeks prior. And it was not only in the wide-open plots that the difference could immediately be seen. The changes were mirrored in the architectural style as well.
While the city had aquariums left and right and watery canals all over, the suburbs had none of the above. Stone was rare, and the only glass in sight was used for windows, while the buildings themselves were made primarily of wood and lime. The people that lived in the suburbs were just as different as their buildings. The aquatic hordes were nowhere to be seen, replaced by land dwellers aplenty. Elves and sentient trees made up most of the difference, while the rest was covered by the usual suspects. Lizardmen, humans, centaurs, insectoids, and other common species could all be counted in droves.
It certainly wasn’t a slum. The materials weren’t cheap or shoddy, and the overall design of the neighborhoods suggested that their owners were in the middle or upper-middle classes. And yet, those that dwelled within the walls assumed that a property outside them was much cheaper, thanks to the lack of fortifications and protections. And their concerns were certainly not unwarranted. The giant slabs of rock would keep most of the dumber monsters out, while the more intelligent ones would avoid contact with sentient creatures to begin with. Whatever the case, monsters that entered the city’s limits would be promptly dispatched by the town guard. The suburbs were still technically a part of the city, and the local knights had as much a duty to the citizens outside the wall as they did the ones that lived within.
Still, the risk did exist and could easily be seen with a quick glance at the numbers. Noncombatants living within the barrier were generally somewhere in the level 10 range, as their jobs were rarely physically demanding. The farmhands, construction workers, and smiths on the outside, however, would sweat enough to be in their high twenties or low thirties. And perhaps because of this, they often carried themselves with a distinct air of superiority. A quick ask was almost sure to confirm that the men thought themselves manlier and more attractive than the impotent city boys, in spite of the fact that they bathed less than half as often.
It was precisely to avoid the unwanted pheromone bombs that Sylvia opened a portal near the edge of town. It was a quiet location, a quaint meadow that would surely blossom into a field of beautiful flowers come late spring. And with only a few days left in winter, the signs were already starting to show. The air was warming, the snow was melting, and the grass was green.
“Is here okay?” asked the fox, as she stepped out into the cold.
“It will serve our purposes wonderfully. Thank you, Sylvia,” said the squid, as she looked around. The city’s outmost edge was roughly a third of a kilometer away, while the forest was about one and a half in the other direction. There were still a number of people out and about, but with the moon already high in the sky, it was unlikely that any wayward civilians would bear witness to their magical shenanigans. “It will not be difficult for our unfortunate friends to find their way back into the city from here.”
Claire twisted her lips into a frown as she looked towards the city’s gate, more specifically, its security detail. “I’m not so sure. Their story won’t make much sense. There’s a good chance that they’ll be detained.”
“Perhaps, but it is not as if we can simply teleport them inside its walls without being spotted. The leech and her minions do not yet know all the cards in our hands, and I would prefer not to introduce a potential leak.” She spread her fan as she kept an eye on the portal. Their party’s members were long accustomed to them, but the final passenger, the maid was nervous. She hesitated to put her feet through it, moving only as Boris, who was standing in line behind her, booped her right through.
“We could take them somewhere we know is fine,” said Claire. “Like her godmother’s hotel.”
She looked at the resident feline, but she was hardly paying any attention. Her neck was craned up, and her tail was slowly swishing from left to right.
“Natalya.” The cat didn’t immediately reply when called, so Claire grabbed the two sides of her face from behind and squished them together.
“H-huh!? W-wha!?” The sudden harassment had her nearly jumping out of her skin, but the lyrkress’ hands kept her exactly where she was.
“I was talking to you.”
“O-oh, sorry. I wasn’t listening.” She tried to turn around as she spoke, but again the hands saw her detained.
“Is there something over there?” Claire followed the former soldier’s eyes to find that she had been staring at a barren tree seated atop a particularly tall hill. She focused on them with her telescopic eyes, but she couldn’t make out anything of note. There was nothing but the snow cluttering its branches and the swing that hung beside its trunk.
“I don’t think so,” said Lia.
“Then why were you staring?”
“Well…” A faint blush spread across her bespeckled face.
“Oh, great. Of course it was something perverted.”
“It wasn’t!”
“I’m sure.” Claire stepped away from the blademaster and picked up the fox instead. She carefully ran her hands along the smaller creature’s body and scrubbed the cat off her fingers.
“I’m not a pervert, Claire! I swear to Tzaarkus!”
“And I’m not a towel!” cried the washcloth.
“Sorry.” She spoke to the now-unsanitary fox as she set her back down on the ground. The apology was genuine—she did feel bad for her, but the cleanliness of Sylvia’s fur was a sacrifice she was willing to make.
“I’m not lying! I swear I wasn’t thinking about anything perverted!” shouted the cat.
“Perhaps you could aid your case if you were to enlighten us with the thoughts you did entertain,” said Arciel, with an amused smile.
“Not you too,” said Natalya, with a groan.
“I do apologize, dear friend. There is little I can say in your defense, but I do believe you possess a means of clearing your name.”
“Okay, okay, fine. I’ll say it.” Her ears drooped as she looked back towards the hill with her face growing hotter again. “I just thought that it would be a nice place to take a nap.”
Claire narrowed her eyes. “Tell us the whole truth.”
“T-that is the whole truth!”
“Liar.”
“I’m not, I swear!”
“Your tail is twitching around nervously, your ears are facing out, you’re playing with your thumbs, and you keep averting your eyes.” The lyrkress poked each part as she mentioned it, albeit only after coating her hand in a thin layer of ice. “Not to mention, your heart’s beating far too quickly for someone that isn’t hiding anything.”
Lia hung her head. “Okay, okay, fine! I get it! P-please stop listening to my heartbeat!” Her cheeks turned even redder. “I just… thought that it’d be a nice place to have a picnic and then maybe fall asleep next to someone.”
Claire tilted her head.
“I-it’s just that the tree is like, really thick, so you could probably cuddle up to someone. And it has a great view of the city, so it’d probably make for a decent date spot…”
“I knew it was something perverted,” muttered the lyrkress.
“That’s not perverted!” cried the cat. “It’s wholesome! And it’d be nice with friends too.”
“Mmmmnnnn… I guess it depends what you do on top of the picnic blanket?” said Sylvia.
“See! She’s way more perverted than I am,” shouted the cat.
“You were the one having weird fantasies,” said the lyrkress.
“I-I mean yes, but didn’t you hear what she just said!?”
Claire tilted her head. “That’s normal. For someone raised by a human.”
“I was practically raised by one too,” grumbled the cat. “My teacher was human.”
“That explains a lot,” said Claire.
“Now that’s just plain mean,” said Natalya. “I didn’t pick up on any of his tendencies, a-and just to be clear, I wasn’t molested either!”
“The fact that you need to state that explicitly says more than enough.”
“Wait a second!” said Sylvia, with a tilt of the head. “Wasn’t your teacher a huskar? I thought he was supposed to be in love with your auntie or something.”
“Ladies, I would love to continue this conversation, but I believe we should prioritise the release of our incidental prisoners,” said Arciel.
“Oh right!” Sylvia opened a second portal and retrieved a large bubble from the other side before closing both. “So uhmmm… do I just put them here?”
She waited for the squid to nod before popping the magical cell with a swish of the tail. The prison wagon suddenly swelled in every direction, growing in just half a second from a tiny model to a full-sized vehicle. The armoured turberus attached to it had been asleep inside the bubble, but it jerked awake and broke into a mad dash with the wagon still attached.
It did not, however, manage to get very far. A pair of mystic eyes paralyzed its body as soon as it took off. Claire retrieved the troublemaker, detached it from its harness, and threw it into the cage along with all the others.
Everyone else was still asleep, courtesy of the fox’s spell. The obvious solution, at least in Claire’s mind, was to grab the bars and shake them awake, but she refrained. It was no longer the time or place to act as she pleased. She followed the maid’s lead instead and took up a spot just behind the Vel’khanese princess whilst switching from her casualwear into something a little more formal, a long-sleeved blouse with a subdued navy dress placed on top. She magically pulled the fox into her arms as soon as she was changed and moved the cat beside her.
A few of the captives were already starting to stir. An old elven businessman, a young human girl, and a bipedal rat in a dress were the first three to awaken, and the others were quick to follow suit. The staggered timings may have appeared somewhat strange to an outside observer, but such was the norm with magic-induced sleep. The spirit and vitality stats determined the precise length of the abnormal condition, but none of the people in the wagon were of a notable level.
While those with poor constitutions might put a few odd points into vitality, it was practically unheard of for the average Joe to put anything into spirit. Its effects manifested primarily when struck by magic, and there were few non-combatants concerned with their resistance thereto. For the most part, it was only important government officials, magical researchers, and farmhands with certain types of livestock that could really be bothered.
Voices began stirring amongst the freshly woken crowd. Panic set in immediately, with some rushing to the bars and others waking up as a result of the commotion, but Arciel put an immediate end to the hysteria by driving her staff into the ground. She began speaking as soon as she drew the crowd’s eyes, her voice slow and calm.
“Ladies, gentlemen, I do apologize for the inconvenience. You were captured courtesy of a mistake endured during a government operation. We have taken the liberty to ensure that you have remained asleep and unharmed in the meantime.” She spoke in a calm, controlled tone. “We have, unfortunately, had to relocate you while you were unconscious to prevent harm to your persons. We understand that this may not have been desired, and as compensation, every individual present shall be awarded a full pound of silver for the trouble.”
The particularly well-dressed among the incident’s victims were not quite content, but most appeared to brighten up at the mention of compensation. They were so happy, in fact, that they immediately stopped asking questions. One of the children had tried to say something or other, but her mother clamped a hand over her head and excitedly shook her head.
“Please form an orderly, single-file line as you exit the cage.”
Lia and the maid handled most of the work to follow, with the cat directing the victims back towards the city, and her sidekick handing them the promised silver. Both the unhappy rich snobs tried complaining about something or other, but Claire paralyzed them before they could cause any trouble and puppetted them off. There was an undeniable temptation to powerwalk them into the forest instead, but while she did move them roughly a kilometer in the treeline’s direction, she eventually convinced herself to turn them back around.
“And that, I believe, is the last of them.”
Arciel tucked her fan away as she watched an overweight kelpfin vanish over a small hill. Like most of the others, he sprinted towards the gate while keeping a careful eye on his bounty. A reasonable choice, given how much it was worth.
“Yeah. I’m glad they all took it so well,” said Lia.
“Except the two idiots,” said Claire.
The cat replied with a strained smile. “Thanks for dealing with them.”
“I shouldn't have changed my mind,” muttered the lyrkress. “I’m sure the wolves would’ve been happy to have them.”
“Perhaps, but I do not see a reason to architect their elimination. They may not have been the most pleasant pair, but I doubt they would provide any meaningful experience,” said the squid.
Claire averted her eyes. “Shush. Not everything’s about experience.”
“I’m sure,” said the witch, with a giggle. “Now I believe our business here is concluded. We’d best be off.”
“Not yet.” Claire shook her head and pointed her tail at the hill. “You need to catch up on some sleep.”
“Didn’t you just call me a pervert for suggesting that?” grumbled Natalya.
“Mhm. She totally did,” said Sylvia.
“My intentions are pure,” said Claire. “Yours weren’t.”
“Yes they were!” cried the cat.
“Whatever you say.” The lyrkress stuck out her tongue as she began stepping away.
“What of the prisoners?” asked Arciel, as she caught up. “Should we not handle their interrogation first?”
“They’ll be fine. People can go a few days without food or water.”
It was a bit of a trek to the top of the hill. It was covered in grass the whole way, and some parts were steep enough to be difficult to ascend. But it proved well worth the effort. Upon arriving at the summit, they turned to find all of Vel’khagan laid out before them. Everything was visible, from the suburbs to the wall to the castle to the sea, all glimmering beneath the light of the moon.
“You were right, Lia.” Claire smiled softly, speaking again only as the cat crested the peak. “This really is a nice spot for a nap.”
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A note from Spicy Space Squid
There's a really nice piece of art that accompanies this final scene, but it's still undergoing iteration.
Here's a sneak peek.
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- Sunday, July 9, 2023 4:06:19 PM
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Bio: Surprisingly tangy and delicious.