We’ve seen the attitudes of people around us while growing up. We’ve seen worth of people being judged because of the way they look, the cars they drive, the homes they live in, and the pay package they earn. So right from a very young age, we want to grow and we have all these parameters set for us, by the ancestors of our ancestors. I know, when I walk into a party, in a dress that can make women ask, “Where did you buy it from?” people treat me better. People want to appear richer and in that, they don’t mind spending more than they must, in just showing off. But stop comparing yourself to other women, you tell yourself. But it’s easier said than done.
What is the motivation? Because people want to be treated well. They want to be like the leading lady of a movie, who is just always the most beautiful girl in the class or party. Or she is the brightest one. Either way, she has to occupy the top spot and be a rare kind. That’s the ugly side of humans – the shallowness.
So we start comparing ourselves with other women because we want to be the best, the rarest, most beautiful, most successful, most liked by all. But here’s the thing. When we start measuring our self-worth by these things and how others fare in the competition, we’re only creating insecurities in ourselves. We start feeling under-confident like we aren’t good enough. Just because a woman is prettier or richer?
It also stops women from truly uniting because we are conditioned to see each other as competitions. And that helps the misogynists divide and rule. It enables patriarchy because if we just stood for each other in sisterhood, we’ll be so much stronger. I don’t want to hear it from a guy that I am so wonderful and so different from other women. I don’t want a guy to praise me and call his ex crazy for making him accountable for his actions. I will call a man out for pitting women against women.
There will always be someone better than you in some aspect or the other. or at least they will seem like better. Anybody can be insecure about anything but is it worth it? Here’s how you can unlearn comparing yourself with other women, as answered by Redditors.
Self-confidence is the key
“Build self-confidence. It’s certainly not an overnight process, but I find that looking for hobbies and overall doing a lot of self-help reading or activities where you enjoy and can be good at, you stop caring about what other people or women are doing. Comparing yourself is an insecurity and can be really toxic to yourself,” a user wrote. It takes a while to build it and requires you to break those inhibitions and try things. Don’t worry about what happens if you are bad at something. Think about what if you are good at it.
Practise gratitude
“I think one of the best ways to do this is to practice gratitude. It’s seems so cheesy, but is so incredibly effective. Every day think of 3 things about yourself you are grateful for,” someone wrote. Be thankful for what you have and you will feel blessed and content.
Celebrate each other’s achievements
What do strong women do? We don’t feel sore because another woman is doing well. We celebrate her achievements. “Mostly, I just try to celebrate other women’s achievements rather than compare them to my own. I’d try to focus on what I truly wanted out of life and stick to those goals instead because at the end of the day, every has to walk their own path in life and if you try to follow someone else’s, then you won’t be living authentically as yourself,” a user wrote. Focus on your goals and let others achieve theirs.
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Be inspired instead
It is always amazing to observe women who possess the qualities you inspire to have. Find role models and learn from them. Don’t compare yourself to other women, see what they do right instead. See how she worked for those things and then fix your game. “Additionally, I truly try to channel my own feelings of insecurity, inadequacy, etc., into projects for my own self-improvement. Like, maybe I feel envious one of my friends is so good at cooking, for example – so then that’s a good sign for me to try a new recipe. I know she didn’t gain all her culinary skills overnight, so she’s actually a great inspiration for me to up my own cooking game,” a user wrote. But this is risky territory; overdoing it will bring you down to the very thing you’ve been avoiding – insecurity.
Focus on self-love instead
We always think about what we don’t like about ourselves and where we fall short. Okay, I’d like a nose job and laser hair removal. I could also do with reducing at least five kgs! Of course, there’s room for improvement. But I’d like to focus on what I like about myself – my hair, my dressing sense, my infectious smile, etc. I may not be where I should be but I have moved ahead from where I was. I focus on the qualities I like about myself instead of my shortcomings. “I started by focusing on what I liked about their appearance instead of what I hated about mine when I looked at them. Listing what I loved about myself and learning to love the bits that were less favorable. Even just finding what I valued in life gave me a sense of self worth that I never had before,” a user wrote. “It took me a long time to get to a point where I enjoyed looking at myself and truly became grateful for the body I was given. I started saying nicer things about myself and stopped honing in on negative thoughts. It was so much easier after that to remind myself that its not a competition. You shine and you can see other women shining, and no one’s light dims another person’s,” another woman wrote. Improve yourself but don’t obsess over your short comings. And certainly don’t compare yourself with women on the basis of physical attributes, it’s too basic.
Compliment wholeheartedly
“I also started to find reasons to compliment women(and men) out loud. It makes you feel good to give someone a compliment and they usually end up returning the favor,” a woman said. “I agree! I replaced some of the comparison with complimenting other women and celebrating them, because replacements are what it’s all about! When I was younger, I found myself comparing to another woman that worked with me because of some recent accomplishment, So I made her a congratulations card and told her what I admired about her! The genuine gratitude and the way that they started doing the same for me in return.. I mean, It made my relationship to the women around me totally change and was an incredible adjuvant for the other internal work/self love,” wrote another user.
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Thank God for drunk girls in the club washrooms who openly compliment you! Let’s be like that and hype each other up. Women are already dealing with so many insecurities and pressures from society. We have beauty stereotypes working against us, body image issues, and socio-economic pressures rooted in gender norms. Can we just unburden ourselves and our sisters by making things easier for us? A little love and compliment can make someone’s day and give them the confidence they needed!
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First Published: September 17, 2020 8:00 PM
