The new Drake album played softly in the background as I changed and got ready for a night out.
“Tonight… is my night,” I said to myself, as I decided which pair of black, ripped jeans to wear and whether to go soft with my brows or do my best attempt at Frida Kahlo-ing it..
As I slid off my day underwear in favor of my going out underwear (American Eagle to True Religion, respectively) I looked down and realized that tonight would actually not be my night. To say the situation was hairy would have been an understatement. If I could snag a guy who’d pay for my Uber home in the morning, I didn’t want him to get lost in the forest I was growing down South.
Which is why, dear readers, I decided it was time to tame the bush.
Whether you’re recently single and hoping to keep things/ready or just wanting to feel a little extra “clean” and groomed, waxing can be a good alternative, one that isn’t often explored for men.
Enter Wax Club, an unlimited waxing club in NYC. The entire business is a kind of Dry Bar for waxing. You sign up for a membership and go in as many times as your pubes need help. Their hope is to help men leave the bush behind and do it in a way that’s safe, clean, painless, and well, glam. Their new Manzilian service launches in April, using hard wax (no strips) that’s natural and fragrance-free, without sales gimmicks (they don’t sell products or have sales quotas), and a unique program that allows members unlimited waxes every month for a monthly fee of $110, though that fact is not listed online.
Wax Club founders Marcy Kornblum and Julia Davidov treated me to my very first ball wax experience when I needed it most, literally and figuratively. Here are 30 thoughts I had before, during, and after my first Manzilian.
6:20 p.m. Ok, my wax is at 7:00 and I’ve spent my morning hungover… I need a shower. How do you shower for a ball wax? Oh, God. I’m going to scrub.
6:30 p.m. Pain is beauty.
6:30 p.m. My nudes are going to be fire.
6:45 p.m. What if it hurts? What if I cry? What if I have to leave halfway through and then everyone finds out I’m a wimp with a bush!?
6:46 p.m. Me calling my friends and explaining why I need to get rid of this damn bush:
6:50 p.m. I’ve arrived and this place is nice as hell. I feel like I’m in Kris Jenner’s foyer.
6:51 p.m. Marcy and Julia are extremely nice. I’ll be fine.
6:52 p.m. OK they brought Prosecco, I’ll definitely be fine. What hangover?
6:55 p.m. I love Prosecco.
6:56 p.m. The time has come.
7:00 p.m. Do I get naked? How does this work? Deep breaths.
7:01 p.m. I am naked from the waist down and I’m just going to have to accept it. Praying furiously as I stand before a woman I barely know without a towel or anything to hide the whole shebang.
7:02 p.m. My waxer and I are doing deep breaths together as she explains how this ball wax will work and what we’ll be doing and she is truly a comforting blessing.
7:03 p.m. There is hot wax on my crotch and I am alive. It’s thick and sticky, but actually relaxing and warm? Also, like any coincidence that it’s millennial pink?
7:04 p.m. The wax is coming off in 3… 2… 1… Wait. That was fine. What? This was so easy. I didn’t scream or cry. It didn’t hurt as much as it just felt weird. Like a quick shock and then nothing. I can do this!
7:07 p.m. “Isn’t this music relaxing?” she asks. “Lucky” by Jason Mraz and Colbie Callait is playing and I’ll admit I’m actually very relaxed.
7:08 p.m. For the most part, this is pretty easy… but the balls. Oh God. “Can you hold it?” she asks…. Looks like this is a team effort.
7:10 p.m. This is all well and good but like when will we get to the balls? I’m scared.
7:12 p.m. Seriously, though. I can’t believe how easy and painless this is. I should have gotten my balls waxed a long time ago.
7:15 p.m. When the waxer tells me I won’t get in-growns, I am officially all in. We’re making conversation and this genuinely isn’t a big deal.
7:20 p.m. The balls are easy? What? This was so easy. Thank God she’s also using smaller and gentler pieces of wax but I could get used to this.
7:25 p.m. Seeing myself with no hair down there is a strange thing. In the end, I’m joyful. I could conquer the world.
7:30 p.m. WELL, hello taint. “This tends to be the worst, but you’re not that hairy,” she says and I am totally feeling myself. #NATURAL
7:36 p.m. Remember: nudes. will. be. fire.
7:40 p.m. I look like I’m at the gyno?
7:41 p.m. OH, that’s why… the butt. I am basically squatting on my back and…. It’s over? Every part of my butt is hairless and it didn’t hurt at all.
7:42 p.m. This woman now knows me better than anyone on Earth… or at least anyone who has had the lights on.
7:44 p.m. Clean up begins and TBH, this was so much easier than I thought it would be and I am so dramatic for thinking I would cry/scream/humiliate myself.
7:50 p.m. #Blessed not to have sensitive skin and now all I have to do is avoid hot water when I shower tonight… But otherwise, all systems are go.
7:55 p.m. Looks like I’m going out tonight. First ball wax, done! It’s officially my night and someone may even get lucky to see how mesmerizing it looks – down under.
