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“She is only eight and cannot have stilettos now! I wonder where she gets ideas like that! She must have seen them on the older girls around or in the movies.” Sounds familiar?
Do these thoughts cross your mind when trying to deal with how fast your little girl seems to be growing up? Well, it’s good to notice the signs; your little girl is slowly but surely on her way to entering the puberty stage. It also means that you need to change gears and transform yourself from being the doting mom to the best friend mom.
The tween years – 8 to 12 – are marked by bodily changes that announce the imminent onset of puberty. The reaction of mothers and daughters to these changes can vary from person to person.
While some are naturally accepting of the transformation and sail through it, others might find this phase stressful and confusing. Being prepared and informed can help mothers deal with the changes in their daughters with emotional maturity.
Keeping the channels of communication between you and your daughter open will be one of the best ways in which you can help her cope. Your child needs your support and loving care as she goes through this rite of passage and blooms into a confident and beautiful young woman.
But isn’t she still small?
Yes, it was only yesterday that you read out the Cinderella story to her, and now she’s beginning to look like she could soon go to the ball herself. Mothers may not readily want to accept that their 8 or 9 year old daughters are showing signs of bodily changes associated with puberty.
Remember that 8 years is considered a normal time for girls to begin their healthy sexual development. In some early bloomers, these changes can appear quite clearly by 8 years of age.
Though it is presumed that children go through a phase of sexual maturing between 9 and 11 years, puberty timing has been found to vary in different kids. A lot of factors – genes, environment, food – affect the timing of puberty in girls and boys. Your child may be faster or slower in showing the signs of change. The onset of bodily changes in your child’s peers or their early appearance in your child need not ring alarm bells. It can start earlier than 9 years of age or a little after 12 years. Relax and savour the time with your little girl.
While primary sex characteristics are present at birth, secondary sexual characteristics appear during puberty. A baby girl is born with eggs in her ovaries which remain inactive until puberty begins. Puberty starts when the pituitary gland begins to produce two hormones, luteinizing hormone (called LH) and follicle-stimulating hormone (called FSH), which cause the ovaries to enlarge and begin producing the female sex hormones called estrogens. The growth starts shortly with the development of breasts in girls. The first menstrual cycle begins about 2-3 years later.
What are the first signs of change and should they be discussed?
The first sign of visible secondary changes in girls is the development of breasts. The small lump beneath one or both nipples is usually the first evidence of the onset of puberty. Breast buds, as they are called, can be felt directly under the nodules (nipples) and typically occur around the age of 9.
There may be other lumps and bumps on the areola as the breasts develop which are oil-producing glands. Not all girls have them, just as some girls grow bumps on the areola which sprout hair. All of this is normal. The breast tissue will soon begin to feel lumpy all over when they develop further. One breast may stay still remain small as the other develops, which is normal. It might take a few weeks to a few months before both breasts catch up in size.
The onset of menstruation is called menarche and the onset of secondary breast development is referred to as tenarche. Beginning at 8-9 years, tenarche can continue well into the 20s. The breast buds can be tender and sore to touch and your daughter might experience pain when lying on her stomach or running. A well-fitting sports bra will help hold them in place so that they don’t hurt during physical activities. Assure your child that it is only a growing pain similar to the ones she sometimes gets on her legs and arms.
With the development of breasts, it is normal for girls to become conscious about their body. Pick loose-fitting clothes for your child during this stage so that she does not feel embarrassed about the budding breasts. If she is an early bloomer, you can get her fitted for a bra and give her a training bra to begin with. This is a good time for you to do a review with her about the changes in her body.
Most importantly, talk to your daughter about the approaching puberty so that she is at ease when the changes occur. If you haven’t already talked to her about it, the first signs of bodily changes are your cue. The development of breasts or the absence of it can both be embarrassing for your child as it might draw comments and teasing from people and boys around her. You can tell her that each girl is different and grows up at her own pace in her own way. Casually weave in stories about your experiences as a young girl into the conversations so that you can save her the embarrassment of bringing up the subject.
Assure your daughter that you are with her every step of the way in this phase of confusions. Teach her that she has total ownership of her body and to reject unwanted or disturbing touches and gazes. Confidence is a girl’s best defence against physical and emotional assaults.
Girls might withdraw from physical activities after the bodily changes occur. Give her the confidence to continue being active and get enough exercise. The healthy development of the body and an active lifestyle can ward off diseases like osteoporosis in women as they age.
Wetness on underwear?
So you noticed wetness on your tween’s underwear? Well, it means her first period is on the way. It’s perfectly normal for girls to have a vaginal discharge 6 months to 1 year before their periods start. Your daughter might have noticed the white or yellow fluid on her underpants.
She might be too embarrassed to talk about it. Broach the subject for her and assure her that it’s perfectly normal. Tell her to keep a watch and inform you if the discharge gives off foul odor, turns color or appears curdled unlike the clear mucus. This can indicate bacterial infection and you might need to get a doctor’s advice.
When should she start wearing a bra?
11 years can be considered an average age to start wearing a bra. But some girls might need to wear one from as early as 9 years. Girls in your daughter’s class might already be wearing one. But it is also normal for girls to not need a bra until about 14. In case your kid is a late bloomer, she might need to be reassured that it’s perfectly normal. Make sure that she does not face body shaming at the hands of scrutinizing family members or neighbors. Making fun of her ‘flat chest’ might erode her confidence forever.
Girls who grow up fast can also be at the receiving end of body shaming. Watch out for self-conscious behavior that young girls develop around this time. They might resort to slouching as a means to tuck in the developing breasts and avoid drawing attention. Every girl is different and grows at her own pace.
Discussing this and sharing your experiences growing up can put her at ease. Help her realize that women come in all shapes and sizes and everyone is beautiful the way she is.
To begin with, you can give a layer of extra lining for her dresses while getting them stitched. Ask her to wear slips and tank tops under the regular outfits. If you notice that her breasts have developed further, you can take her shopping for her first bra and do a fitting without embarrassing her.
She can start wearing a training/beginners bra which looks more like a crop top so it will be less embarrassing for her. There are a lot of brands out there which sell overly fancy and gross undergarments meant for kids. Keep in mind that your little girl has no reason to be wearing those yet. Pick something that is simple, stretchy and cotton. A sports bra is a good choice; it is designed to be flatter in the chest and allows her to move freely. Even if she is not doing any sports, it is good choice for girls starting to wear a bra.
If the breast tissues have developed further under the nipples and she measures an A cup or more, its time to pick a proper bra for her. Choose a soft, lightly padded one. She will not need wired bras now since it’s the early stages of breast development; the padding should provide the necessary support.
Make sure you measure her once in a while or ask her to measure herself so that she is wearing the right size. A good quality, well-fitted bra will keep her comfortable and shield her from embarrassment. Choose a range of colors so that she can wear the ones that will not show through her dress. Teach her to wear the right bra with each kind of dress. You can also tell her about exercising and using the right kind of bra to keep breasts from sagging.
Is it safe for her to use hair removal creams?
Your tween and teen girls do not need hair removal creams, waxing or electrolysis. Let it all sprout and let her be comfortable in her skin. Teach her to be happy with the way her body is. Shaving hair off the body can leave dark patches apart from causing bacterial infections. It can make the skin itchy and acne prone. Shaving under the arms can result in similar darkening of skin.
But you can help her trim the hair in the pubic area and underarms. Crop it off using a scissor without scarping the skin. Avoid the scissor coming into contact with the skin or making bruises as this can cause bacterial infections and itching. If the hair growth is too thick that it causes your child discomfort, use a safe method of hair removal.
Why the body odor?
She could be just 7 or 8, but watch out for puberty sweat and body odor! The girls may not be able to detect it by themselves, but you can sure make out how she smells different from the child you used to snuggle up with. It is the increase in hormonal activity that causes the strong odor which is a typical sign of puberty. In some kids the sweat might leave stains on the clothes.
The sweat glands in the armpits and around the groin will start working overtime and these areas will be the most sweaty. This is a good time to discuss personal hygiene with your children and initiate a healthy routine. Make sure they bathe daily with soap; make a habit of doing an extra armpit rinse with a washcloth, washing clothes every day and dressing in cotton/breathable materials.
Should I talk to her about all that hair sprouting on her body?
Around the time her breasts develop, she will notice hair growing in the pubic area and under the arms. Engage in casual and reassuring discussions with your daughter about the hair growth. It is better to keep her in the know before they actually start sprouting so that she knows what to expect.
The pubic hair shows up first followed by the hair in the armpits. The hair is soft at first, with a brownish tinge. Later they grow longer and dark and turn a little curly. The hair on other parts of the body will turn a darker shade too. It is normal for some girls to grow a narrow strip of hair from their navel to the pubic area and some stray strands on their nipples.
It is best not to resort to hair removal techniques as she is still in the growing stage. Hair removal creams, waxing and electrolysis can all wait. Heredity has an important role in how profuse the hair growth is and the child should be told that it is normal. But if you notice excess body and facial hair, it could be a symptom of the polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). PCOS or PCOD (polycystic ovarian disease) is a hormonal condition caused by an excess of male hormone (androgen) in women. The elevated androgen levels can present a set of symptoms like irregular, heavy or no periods and excess facial hair. If not treated, it can also cause infertility in women. Sometimes, facial hair can also signal more serious health conditions like ovarian cancer. If you notice abnormal hair growth, it is best to get medical advice.
Who is this young woman?
As she advances to mid-teens (13-17 years), you might need to brace yourself and reckon with the admiring glances that your daughter is beginning to draw. She might have acquired a softness and plumpness quite unlike the baby chubbiness you cherished. With the hips grown wider, the breasts developing and the waist grown smaller, her body is definitely getting into its womanly shape. Some teens tend to gain weight during this phase. Whatever the changes are, tell them it’s all normal and help them welcome the changes with an open mind.
You might also notice a new glow to her skin, one of the most prominent signs that she is entering womanhood. Her lips and chest will acquire plumpness and the high-pitched childish voice will begin to sound more womanly. The skin is at its best around this age, but incidentally, your princess will be out to try every beauty care regimen on the planet.
While it is alright to set a skin care regimen for her using natural and home-made products, overexposure to cosmetics can only damage her still tender skin. It is best to take a doctor’s advice before applying any medications on the skin to treat problems like acne.
Does my teen need treatment for her acne?
During puberty, the skin produces more oil, especially on the face. This is because the hormonal changes during puberty causes increased secretion of sebaceous oils called sebum. Lo and behold! The smooth skin of your little girl's face is covered in grease, and a burst of pimples and zits. Heredity also plays a role in excess sebum production and the resulting acne.
Though most teenagers go through a spell of pimple-covered face, some are spared the woe. If your teen’s pimples leave scars and her facial skin is dotted with acne holes, then it’s a sure sign that you need to get it treated. Since acne is caused due to bacterial infection resulting from clogged pores, you can ask your daughter to get into a new routine of washing face and hair more often and thoroughly. Help her with some home remedies – the tried and tested home-made potions should do the trick in most cases. If it persists or tends to grow severe, you can ask for a doctor’s advice. A few adjustments to her diet - like controlling oily foods - a healthy skin care routine and some mild medication will help cure the acne.
As a general precaution against teen acne, you can set a healthy and hygienic routine for your girls. Ask them to make sure the bed and pillow covers are changed every once in a while. Resting your face on dirty and oily pillow covers and sheets can cause skin infections and acne. Give them a soft towel to wipe their face and body after bath.
Too much exposure to sun can cause acne to flare up in people with sensitive skin. If the acne erupts during her periods, this is totally normal and will vanish without any treatment. Set a healthy diet for your tweens and teens that is low on oily and fatty foods, especially if they are prone to acne.
