Answer a Dumb Question, Win the Coolest Jersey in the World

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Yeah, I Guess You Could Say I Have a Little Incentive to Lose Those Extra Pounds »

A Special Note from Fatty: Today’s post is going to bounce around like a pinball machine. First, I will talk about three cool things. Then I will use a weak transition to rathole on a spurious philosophical question. I will follow up this spurious question by launching an extraordinarily cool contest. Then I will conclude by reinstating a neglected tradition of my blog. Please hang tight. It’s going to be a bumpy ride.

The First Cool Thing
Back when I was asking people for Christmas gift ideas, a few of you pointed me toward Twin Six. I checked out their site, and basically fell in love with their work. These guys design the awesomest-looking jerseys anywhere.

I liked what they were doing so much, in fact, that I started hounding them relentlessly, hoping I could get them to join the Fat Cyclist Ads for Schwag program. To do so, I did all of the following:

• Begged: I wheedled and cajoled. I whined. I whinged (using a British accent for the sake of credibility). It’s possible I blubbered. I was shameless.
• Lied: I told them that there are thousands and thousands of Fat Cyclist readers, instead of admitting that after writing each lonely post to myself, I then go to work reloading the page 7,000 times per day and writing a bunch of comments to myself under dozens of pseudonyms.
• Used Jedi Mind Tricks: This was not as effective as in the movie. My disappointment was severe.

To my delight, Twin Six eventually broke down and agreed to join the Ads for Schwag program. Which means that as of right this moment, you can go to Twin Six by clicking on the shiny new ad they’ve got at the top of the sidebar area. Go check them out. You’ll see why I was willing to grovel.

I’ll be honest with you: I’ve tried it on.

I’ll continue to be honest with you. Their size XL fits like a roomy size L. It fits me just fine. I want to keep it. But I’m not going to, because I have a heart of gold. Instead, I’m going to do the right thing and give it away.

I’ll have more info on how you can win it a little later in this post.

The Third Cool Thing
The third cool thing is that I, for the first time in the history of ever, did not gain weight during the weekend. My wife and I went out to eat on Friday — my “free day,” and then I went back to eating reasonably on Saturday and Sunday.

Which means that instead of spending today and tomorrow repairing the damage I did to my weight over the weekend, I can continue to move forward.

I am so pleased with my newly found self control.

How did I do this, you may ask? Simple, really.

1. The B7 Challenge: I’m getting a little panicky at the thought of what would happen if I lost to everyone in this bet. So panicky, in fact, that I’m finding it increasingly difficult to rationalize lapses in my plan.
2. I got some good advice: I talked with Sans Auto, who it turns out has a Masters degree in Eating Right (MER). He told me I that I already have a good grasp of what are the right things to eat, and that I should try out “Intuitive Eating” (not sure that’s the exact term). The idea behind that is to eat a reasonable portion, and then wait for fifteen minutes before considering whether to go get seconds. If you’re hungry, go get more. If you’re not hungry (which is not the same as “not full”), don’t get more. It makes perfect sense, of course, but it’s not what I normally do.
3. I use the crockpot, the rice cooker, and the George Foreman Grill constantly: By having something ready to eat when I get home, I’m not snacking when I get home from work. By making big batches of food, I have leftovers for lunch. The George Foreman Grill is useful for similar reasons, but in a different way. If you plop some salmon in a marinade and leave it in the fridge while you’re at work, when you come home you can use the George Foreman Grill to have it cooked within fifteen minutes. Finally, I use the rice cooker to make lots of brown rice, which is incredibly filling, tasty, and has the carbs I love and need.

All this boils down to: I’m fixing bad habits by learning how to make good, healthy food within the lifestyle I’ve got. It’s not a diet. It’s an adjustment. And it’s working at about the right pace: two pounds per week.

The Philosophical Question
OK, so I’m wising up, foodwise. But I know myself well enough to realize that even if I hit my goal weight of 148 pounds by August, at some point I’ll let my old habits resurface, and by Thanksgiving I’ll be wearing my fat pants again.

So while I was writing my most recent post — the one where I wonder whether it would be worth it to do laser hair removal so I don’t have to shave anymore — I started thinking: “What if there were something I could do that would make it so I wouldn’t ever have to worry about diet again?”

Then, of course, people who had actually done the laser hair removal thing weighed in, and I realized that the cost in time, pain, and money was just too much for me. Which brings up the question:

“What would I be willing to endure to stay at my ideal weight without dieting?”

It’s an intriguing question.

Here’s what I would be willing to do:

• I would take a daily pill
• I would take a daily injection
• I would have outpatient surgery
• I would eat a shoe (not daily)
• I would endure a painful — but not debilitating — electric shock, daily
• I would pay $100 / month

Here’s what I would not be willing to do:

• I would not have major surgery
• I would not eat something that tastes as nasty as okra or brussel sprouts
• I would not take a 5x/daily pill
• I would not take a 3x/daily injection
• I would not do anything that made it obvious to casual onlookers that I was cheating to lose weight (e.g., if this magic pill made me turn pale green, I would not do it)
• I would not be OK with side effects that leave me headachy, nauseous, or otherwise yucky-feeling

What would you be willing to endure to stay at your ideal weight without dieting? What wouldn’t you endure?

As always, in order to keep me from having to actually judge which comment is the winner, I’ll choose a quasi-random comment. What do I mean “quasi-random?” I mean that I choose comments randomly, but if I think the comment is not remotely interesting, I quietly reject it (i.e., I don’t send you an email saying, “Hey, your comment was stupid! So you didn’t win a jersey! Ha! Ha! Hahahaha!”) and pick a different random comment. So be interesting.

I’ll choose a winner this Saturday.

Today’s Weight
Back when I started the Fat Cyclist blog, I included my current weight every time I posted. It was a great way to hold myself accountable. A while back, I stopped, ostensibly because I had reached my goal, but in reality because I didn’t want anyone to see the startling speed at which my weight can rise.

Well, it’s time to start holding my feet to the fire again.

So, today’s weight: 174.2