Smooth Move, Megan

This is a study of contrasts: this story was so good that I ran it both in This is True and in the now-defunct Mug Shot Museum. First, the True treatment, from the 7 March 2010 issue:

Smooth Move

Florida Highway Patrol troopers investigating a crash on Cudjoe Key determined the cause: as she drove, a 37-year-old woman was shaving her …uh… “bikini area” while her ex-husband, in the passenger seat, was steering. After rear-ending another vehicle, they drove another half-mile, and her ex allegedly switched seats with her. As for the unusual distraction, “She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” said Trooper Gary Dunick. “If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it.” The day before the crash, driver Megan Mariah Barnes was convicted of drunk driving (not her first offense), and driving with a suspended license. Her license was revoked for five years, and she was ordered to turn in her car for impound. After the crash, Barnes was arrested and charged with hit and run, reckless driving, driving without insurance, and driving with a revoked license. Her ex-husband was not charged. (Key West Citizen)…Since once the trooper heard the story, he could understand why he wasn’t watching the road.

And now the Mug Shot Museum version of the story:

Hall of Fame selection

Smooth Move, Megan

The why of Megan Mariah Barnes rear-ending another car is the interesting part.

After the March 2 crash, Barnes continued down the Overseas Highway in the Florida Keys for a half-mile before finally stopping. Apparently she needed to finish what she was doing: shaving her genitals.

But hey, it wasn’t like she didn’t have help watching the road! Her ex-husband, Charles Judy, was steering from the passenger seat.

OK, and why was she shaving her pubes while driving?

“She said she was meeting her boyfriend in Key West and wanted to be ready for the visit,” said Trooper Gary Dunick. “If I wasn’t there, I wouldn’t have believed it.”

It’s not Trooper Dunick’s first weird encounter with a Keys motorist. “About 10 years ago I stopped a guy in the exact same spot,” Dunick said, “who had three or four syringes sticking out of his arm. It was just surreal and I thought, ‘Nothing will ever beat this.’ Well, this takes it.”

Barnes, 37, wasn’t supposed to be driving at all. On March 1, she had been convicted of DUI (with a prior), and driving with a suspended license. She was ordered to turn in her car for impounding, her driver’s license was revoked for five years, and she was sentenced to nine months’ probation.

In the accident, Barnes’ Thunderbird slammed into a pickup truck that had slowed down to turn. After a half-mile, Barnes stopped and she and her ex switched seats, but Troopers could prove she was in the driver’s seat at the time of the crash. She was arrested and charged with driving with a revoked license, reckless driving, leaving the scene of a crash with injuries, and driving without insurance. Judy, her ex, was not charged.

“It is unbelievable,” Trooper Dunick concluded. “I’m really starting to believe this stuff only happens in the Keys.”

So, Megan: the Mug Shot Museum docents suggest that next time, you try laser hair removal. It’s smoother, and lasts pretty much for life. Yeah, we know it doesn’t work for blondes, but we’re all pretty sure that doesn’t affect you.

Oh, and Chuck? When you’re steering, you’re supposed to be watching the road.

Source: Key West Citizen

So… which version of the story do you like better?

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