Glad yours wasn't too bad! Lol this is what I posted on Facebook after my session a few weeks ago
Friends. I must share with you another [long] cautionary tale - this one of pregnancy, pain, and the unfortunate realization that occasionally strangers on the internet can be right.
It's almost summertime. Memorial Day is, quite literally, right around the corner. If you, like me, love the sun, you are rejoicing at the current weather. If you, also like me, happen to be pregnant, you are also wondering how to deal with the situation of unwanted hair in that down-there area, seeing as how you will likely be putting on a bathing suit in the near future and your now-3rd-trimester bump is kind of getting in the way.
Since your attempts at holding a mirror with one hand and a razor in the other while balancing one leg precariously perched on the edge of the tub left you with the not so desirable my-boyfriend-just-broke-up-with-me-and-I-had-a-fight-with-my-mom-so-I-want-to-hurt-myself-as-a-cry-for-help-but-not-really-harm-myself look of a goth girl's forearms on your thighs, you start considering other options.
You may, in fact, think that waxing is a quick and easy alternative. After all, you've done it before. Sure, "people" say that it's worse when pregnant, but "people" also say a lot of other dumb shit too - like nutella isn't actually the greatest food in the world, or that Donald Trump would make a good president. My point here is that you can't trust every crazy opinion the internet throws at you.
So you make the appointment. In fact, you buy a two session package, because of course the package deal always saves you money. You get to the spa, and it's gorgeous and smells like some lovely essential oil and there are candles and soft music and the wax lady (aesthetician?) has you lay down and you take some nice calming breaths and she says "okay this will just pull for a second" and then OH MY GOODNESS THE PAIN. THE BURNING AND RIPPING AND PULLING AND MORE BURNING AND YOU ARE TAKING HUGE DEEP BREATHS NOW BECAUSE THOSE SHITTY LITTLE CALMING ONES JUST AREN'T CUTTING IT AND OMG WHAT DID I SIGN MYSELF UP FOR.
Rip.
Rip.
RIP.
[That's the sound of your hair. Being pulled out by the roots. Along with, you can only assume based on your pain level, your top 18 layers of skin].
OKAY YOU CAN DO THIS DEEP BREATHS HOLY SCHNIKEY SHIT SHIT SHIT THIS HURTS PLEEEAAASE TELL ME WE'RE ALMOST DONE. And then the wax-lady says "okay, now we're going to do the sensitive part"... I'M SORRY, WHAT?!? WHAT HAVE WE BEEN WORKING ON FOR THE PAST HOUR??? [okay, maybe more like minute and a half. But you get the idea. Pain warps your sense of time.]
At this point you start thinking it may be easier to just pass out and wake up when it's over. You also realize that you will ABSOLUTELY have an epidural when you birth this baby, because OMG THIS FEELS LIKE DANTE'S FIERY PITS OF HELL AND YOU NEVER WANT TO EXPERIENCE ANYTHING LIKE THIS AGAIN HELLO THIS IS JUST THE SKIN IMAGINE WHAT LABOR IS GOING TO BE LIKE HOLY COW NOW YOU'RE GETTING YOURSELF ALL STRESSED OUT JUST STOP IT DON'T HYPERVENTILATE DEEP BREATHS HOLY SHIT THAT ONE WAS BAD MAYBE I SHOULD ASK HER TO STOP BUT THEN WHAT IF I ONLY HAVE ONE SIDE DONE AND THAT WOULD LOOK SO RIDICULOUS OWWWWWW.
And then, blissfully, the wax-lady says that you're done. She spritzes you with some kind of "soothing" spray that does absolutely nothing but of course "needs" to be used daily for the next few weeks and oh, by the way, costs $70 a bottle (yes, seventy. No, I didn't buy it. You think I'm crazy?) and tells you with, I'm pretty certain, some kind of evil glint in her eye that next time will be sooo much better.
Next time??? And that's when you remember... you bought the two session package.
